Having Children: A Choice, Not an Assumption

The other day I watched a clip from the Joy Behar Show on whether or not there was a stigma attached to women who were childless by choice. One of her guest, a biological anthropologist, said from an evolutionary perspective it was odd for women to choose not to have children because they are choosing not to pass on their DNA. It's as if they are going against their biological instincts to reproduce. But it can also be said that times have changed drastically and what was assumed of us once before may not necessarily apply today.

During the discussion it was brought up that having children has become more of a decision rather than an assumption these days. I think this is true as how life is lived today is vastly different than how it was lived in the past. A lot of women are getting married later in life in their 30s and 40s, unlike our parents and grandparents who were typically in their late teens and early twenties. Others choose to focus on their careers; something that was unheard of at one point in time when society painted women as being only mothers and wives, not powerful business women or entrepreneurs.

Being a woman in my 30s I get asked from time to time about when or how many children I want to have. My answer is simple: 'I already have all the children I want in life.' Some people pick up on that right away while others still ask 'oh, how many do you have now?" Other times I say my dog is my baby (because she really is) and people will smile but often give off the look of pity. You know the look - 'poor thing, she'll never experience the joys of parenthood' or 'poor thing, she's just not normal is she?' These looks of pity are a bit judgmental. I don't think it's an accurate assumption to make (in this day in age) that since I am a woman I must want children. What about men? Do men get the pity look? I'm sure there are some mothers out there guilt-tripping their only son for not giving them a grandchild but I don't think men feel that invisible pressure as often as women do.

Some places in the world are fearful of a declining birthrate since women and/or couples are choosing to have none or only one child.  It's not as much of a necessity anymore to have a large family of 6 more children as it once may have been in order to survive. As society changes, so must we.

While I can't say I'll never have children, I can say I don't plan on having any.